The First Step Towards Freedom
by No Contact Ever
Summary: Finland's independence was not easily gained. Yet every bit worth the pain. If only losses could have been avoided.


_'The first step to freedom. Often goes unnoticed to the person taking it. That's something I have always thought myself.'_

I roll over in bed this morning. Having been awoken by the sunlight. I was alone the left part of my bed was cold. I run my fingers over that section. Hands grasping at the sheets.

"I want Berwald to come home." It's only a business meeting. I chide myself he will be home soon.

"I'm so attached." I can't help but smile at that thought. Then I briefly wonder if he knows I feel this way when he's gone? I bet he would be happy to know. I sat up in bed. Placing my feet off the bed and on to the floor. "What ways would you express the feeling of missing someone to them?" I'll figure it out soon enough. Before that a breakfast is in order. I wonder about things such as these on the daily basis. Always wondering if my feelings are getting through to him. I haven't worried about large scale nation problems for quite some time. I'm going through an era of peace. Just the way I like it. If only it could stay like this forever.

The first era of peace. Hadn't come easily and I was quite frightened. It all started that night in Denmark in the year 1523. Berwald had finally had enough. Lashing out and leaving Mathias house.

I was scared of the repercussions. Although I hadn't engaged in their fight. And it was solely between the two of them. Mathias had a habit of taking out his anger on others as well. But more than anything. I was terrified to think of what would happen. If he traveled alone surrounded by much bigger enemies. And while I know for a fact. I'm not exactly strong. There probably won't be much I can do for him. I decided that even with all the fear rushing though me. I would go with him. My feet moved as did my hands. In a hurry to pack. Throwing the things I needed over my shoulder. I raced out the door. Converting all my unnecessary emotions to excitement. I quickly caught up to him. It was just for a second but I could see his eyes widen in surprise. "Tino...your here.."

"Two have a greater chance than one. Don't you dare leave on your own like that!"

I scolded him for the first time in a long time. I had forgotten I had that kind of power to my voice. I looked to the ground sheepishly. Oh man..what if he doesn't want me to come along? What if I'm just forcing myself into a situation I have nothing to do with? What if I- My thoughts were cut off. By a hand out stretched towards me. I don't know what came over me. But I held his hand. Both of us stood shocked. Pretty sure my face was as red as his. I yanked away with a nervous laugh.

"I-I was asking for your bag Tino. It's heavy right?"

"Right hee hee my bag here you go." I took it off my back and handed it to him. Which he took with ease. We began walking together long paces through out the days and nights. Never once did I ask where we were going. But as long as we were together it was fine. Although I haven't quite got around to saying that out loud. It was still a comforting thought.

The days were long but I found them to be fun. Although a little frustrating at times. Because being with Berwald kept me on edge. He wasn't good at communicating. But I was never worried he would turn his back on me. More like I worried if anything I was doing, was hindering him in some way. Before I knew it in the blank of an eye. Eighty-Eight years had passed. They way he was before. Seemed to be vanishing before me. With the rise of the new king Gustavus Adolphus.

In 1611 he was starting to become stronger. The military once a unorganized selection of fighters.

Were now reformed morale raised high. And ready to do anything for the sake of their nation.

I can say I proudly share their sentiment as well. A smile graced my features. As I took a seat next to him on a hill. We shared lunch together in this way. Any time we could. Holding a Kexchoklad to my mouth. "I would do anything for you." I thought to myself. At least that's what I thought. I received a "Mmm?" In my direction and a head turn. "Ahhahaha..." My first thought was that I could use the Chocolate as an excuse. But I decided against it. There's no point in me making excuses such as that. I often worry about him not being able to communicate. When I'm just as guilty of the same thing. Way to be a hypocrite Tino. I need to be able to speak my thoughts clearly. I took a gaze at him. Then to the lunch between us. This isn't as easy as I thought. "I would do anything for you." I said again in a clearer tone of voice. Rather than the mumble that was used earlier. I chanced a gaze at his face. It was a soft delicate smile presented towards me. And a hand rested on my shoulder firmly.

"My strength is your strength. Anything that I have is yours." He patted my shoulder twice before attending to his lunch again. I finished my lunch in comfortable silence. I had the feeling he had more to say to me then that. I waited for another response but nothing came. And I was okay with that. Because I didn't think at the moment. I could take much more kindness from him. I'm fairly certain I was blushing up to my ears already.

It was a late June morning. In the year of 1630. When Berwald showed up at my bedroom door. We were currently living in a palace. We had separate rooms from each other. That I hadn't really understood. Seeing as though we spent a lot of time on the road together. Sleeping in close proximity. Even though he was only one door down from me. It still felt a bit far away. Then I remember that's not exactly how two men are supposed to act. I was treating the situation as though we were lovers. My face burned and I slapped myself in the back of the head.

"Good morning!"

"Good morning, Are you ready for today? Would you like a little more time here? I can see if maybe I can arrange for it to be delayed." I had completely forgotten about today. I was so wrapped up in the life I was living. I had forgotten nations still had to go to war. Just how much was I relaxing without notice? I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"That look on your face. It says that you forgot. Very well I'll go speak to the officials now then."

I grasped his wrist quickly.

"Ah...no that's not needed. I'll get ready right now so. Just wait for me okay?" My eyes met his in a moment of understanding. I was eager to spend just a little more time together with him. Before we headed out to the fields. So I pulled him inside. He showed no resistance. And merely sat on the bed and watch me pack. I glanced over my shoulder at him. "Sorry...that was really pushy of me. Just pulling you inside my bedroom like that. I shouldn't have done it." His expression was one of questioning. "Do you regret it?" I let that thought wander around my head for a bit. Before breaking out in a smile. "No I don't." I say zipping up my bag. And handing it directly to him. He looked down at me. "Then there's no need to apologize." He exited the room. With me directly on his heels.

I opened my eyes staring up at the ceiling. A white tent this was a medical tent...Oh crap! I'm on duty when did I fall asleep? I shouldn't have fallen asleep! It's been 7 years since I have arrived here. And never have I once slacked off like this. I got up pacing around the room only then did I noticed. It was empty there were no wounded members of the army here. I chanced a peek outside. I was met face to face with blue cloth. I would have screamed and broke his neck. If I didn't noticed the uniform. However it was stained with blood. "Fin I need you to patch me up." I hastily got out of the way. His sword laid unattended on the ground. As he shed his jacked. Exposing his back to me. There was a gash from a weapon. About 3 inches wide and 2 inches deep. I looked to my desk gathering the proper medical supplies. I would need to clean this wound. Stitch it and then wrap in bandages. I let my hands do the work. They had become so accustomed to.

Berwald is completely out of it. I noticed this the moment. He had first spoken to me. Very rarely has he ever bothered addressing me. By my nation name. Or even the shortened nickname he's given me. If only I had something to make him feel better? I know I'll tell him about the current events. The good ones at the very least would cheer him up. "You know...right now over in my home. An amazing man has shown up. His name is Count Per Brahe. He's passing lots of important reforms. And I feel like the two of us will really benefit from his work." He perked up sitting a little straighter. I had his attention and he seemed to be focused again. I giggled a little as I passed the bandages. Underneath his arms and diagonally across his chest. Over again until the wound was covered. And I was sure it wouldn't tear during battle. "Good luck." I say as I watch him exit the tent. His sword in hand.

Since then when ever he has come to me injured. I tell him about the events. I got to tell him in 1640. My first university, the Academy of Åbo, was founded in Turku at the proposal of Count Per Brahe by Queen Christina of Sweden. That time he had a particularly bad arm wound. And I needed to pick lead and gravel out of it with tweezers. Before I actually could clean it. He had gritted his teeth. But otherwise stayed calm. Not a single scream was to be had. And for that I was grateful. I don't think I could ever handle those screams again. The ones laced with pain. Pain that I could not prevent.

In 1642 he came to the tent with a wound on his chest. Having been impaled a ridiculous amount. So much that if he wasn't a nation he would have died. I hovered over top of him. My hands mindlessly working with the utmost amount of care. As I told him we had our first. Full Finnish bible published. I ended up reciting the whole text to him. As I watched him peacefully drift into sleep. I watched over him that night. To change bandages and make sure nothing else happened to him.

The year 1648 was brought in under rather happy circumstances. After having been given the letter. Saying the war was officially over. Berwald and I returned back to the palace. Than a few batch of peace treaties had been signed. It was nothing but good news. The 30 years war was over. Unfortunately some people didn't quite understand that. As France and Spain still continued to fight for 11 years. For what reason though? I had no idea. All that mattered was that. I could return to this peaceful home life. Home life or matters of the world. I'm not the type to just sit around. I often busied myself with the things. That hadn't been done by Berwald. This had become some what of a game between us. One time I had been spotted doing laundry. And he walked past with an apron on.

"You don't have to do that." The two of us said in unison. There's never a day that we are home. And the place isn't clean, organized, and the table with fresh food upon it. The happy days we spent together. I won't apologize for letting myself get swept away in them. Because I don't regret it. The only thing I do regret is that they came to a grinding halt. And that I couldn't prevent it.

Although not the first sign of the will of my people being pushed aside. One of the most heavy hitting has been the February Manifesto of 1899. Which asserted the imperial government's right to rule in my land without the consent of local legislative bodies. People were outraged and their wasn't a single protest that could be taken seriously. No matter how you looked at it. We just weren't strong enough to fight back against Russia. I stressed pacing my bedroom. Wondering to myself how long do I have left? Surely Russia would come for me soon. I bit my lip at the thought of living without Berwald. I have done it before. There's a large point in history where I had no clue who he was. I didn't trust him. Wanted nothing to do with him due to the fact. I was trying to survive. And I was scared. But those days are over and the memories are strong. Coming back to me like a flood. The feeling I had etched into my body back then. It was nothing other than loneliness. I don't want to go back to feeling that.

I spent most of my time inside of my room. Trying to formulate a plan to avoid this impending disaster. Until the very end when fate knocks on your door do not give up. I did not spend these moments alone. Sweden often sat in the room with me. Some days he looked over my shoulder. When I was at my desk formulating battle strategies. Some times I would rest my head in his lap. As I read letters from my people. Occasionally he would try and volunteer his troops to me. To which I would always deny. It's not that I didn't need help. It's that I didn't want to involve him in my mess. He was still in recovery from his own losses. Who was I to throw him back out on the front line? I would never do that to him. So with a heavy heart that final day. I packed my things. And headed out in the early morning. I left a note underneath Sweden's door. There was no way I would be able to face him today. Is what I told myself but once I got out the front door. He was standing right there. My face probably visually paled because I was met with an expression of concern. "I-I'm okay." I said as his arms wrapped around me. I was shocked to the core. Because he isn't good at physical communication. But this felt like a natural warm hug. And I never wanted to let go. "Come back soon." He says resting his head on top of mine. I nod laying my head against his chest. "I will so don't go anywhere okay?"

As soon as I arrived in Russia. Things went from bad to worse. Although I wasn't being abused as much as the other house occupants were. It still sucked beyond belief. The Language Manifesto Of 1900 was forced onto us. Which made Russian the language of administration of Finland. Not long after. The Conscription Law Of 1901 incorporated the Finnish army into the imperial army and sent conscripts away to Russian training camps. I watched with a sour look. As my people were forced into that hell. I thought about joining them. At the very least I could be there to raise their morale. And provide cheer to the people who's lives were as good as sacrificed. Due to the illogical order of affairs.

This did not help in the least. That as time went on. Our government was becoming more and more corrupt. Some of the people sided with Russia despite what they were doing to our nation as a whole. What did they do it for? What was the purpose in this? Money, Power, Empty promises of protection? Do I look like an fool? Russia would spare not a single soul. And while my people should know that. Apparently they did not. This was the last thing we could afford. But it happened in 1917 a civil war broke out amongst my people. The only good thing resulting in this. Is the fact that the Red Guards who were corrupting us were driven out of power. And internal affairs were able to stabilize. We could all now work towards one goal. That goal being absolute freedom.

I sat in a tent in the outskirts of Eastern Finland. Rubbing my hands together. We were running low on everything. ammunition, food, medical supplies and soldiers. We didn't even have proper housing. These tents were not the types used to with stand the winter nights. My teeth chattered as I jumped to full attention. I heard footsteps coming this way. I pulled out my sniper rifle taking perfect aim on the entrance to my tent. There was a knock. They wanted me to come to the front. I refuse to be taken by this behavior. "Come in or walk away either is fine with me!" My hand grasped the trigger ready to release at any moment. The tent unzipped "Tino?" My eyes widened and I discarded my rifle.

"Berwald...I..." He looked at me with a sorrowful gaze.

"I know you told me not to go anywhere. But I can't stand by anymore. I had to come to you." He looked at though he was waiting for me to scold him. And I merely smiled it's the first time. In what feels like forever since we have been face to face. I don't have time to be mad.

"It's okay but you need to get going. I would hate it if you were some how dragged into this."

"I understand but I wasn't able to do much. I did bring food weapons and blankets. I can't fight along side you Tino. So please I'm begging you take care of yourself." Don't cry I chided myself but to no avail. The tears rolled down my cheeks. And I know I shouldn't stop him from leaving. Not another second longer. But this time I pulled him into a warm embrace.

"Thank you...Thank you Berwald!"

That night I lay in bed. Hearing the soldiers arrive for night time look out duty. It had never occurred to me. I was the one who needed a morale raise. I had done it so much for others. And while I believed every single word I said. They never reached my heart. Because they weren't being said to me. I was giving those words to someone else. Now though I had everything I needed. The only thing I needed was to give it my all. The next morning November 30 1939 I had eaten my breakfast. Only thanks to Sweden I was able to have that luxury. I picked up my sniper rifle. Headed towards the fields of battle.

"This time I would be strong for the two of us."

I will not be told to give up. I will not listen to them say there is no way. I will look death in the eye again and again. And I will fight my way out of this hell!

No matter how the odds are stacked against me!

3 months 1 week and 5 days. Was the time it took for me to end the Winter War.

I was finally free. I was able to go home. I cried laying sprawled out on the bed inside of my tent.

Even though World War 2 didn't end for another 5 years. I still celebrated my liberation. When I arrived back at the palace. Sweden was waiting out front for me. The place was practically destroyed.

"We will have to find another home now." I smiled brightly at him. "That's okay lead the way." Just like the 1500's we walked long paces together side by side. Eventually settling down at a nice size house. On the outskirts of Sweden. When we entered the house and closed the door. It had a nice feeling of finality to it. We looked to each other bodies moving ever closer. Bags discarded in the entrance way. And for the first time we kissed. Now there is no longer any need to sleep in separate rooms. We share the same bed. Berwald and I are lovers. As my heart had wanted for a very long time.

The first step I took towards freedom. Of course went unnoticed. Because it was taken by him. All I did was follow. That light path he had illuminated. I soon tucked my memories away. As I set the table with breakfast for two. I placed the forks and knives down. With haste when I heard the front door opening. My feet moved on their own accord running. The door swung open and in he walked. Dropping his bag in the entrance way like normal. Only this time I eagerly jumped into his arms. "I'm home Tino." He said giving a light laugh as he held me.

"Welcome home!" I said pressing our lips together. In a much needed passionate kiss.

I'm so attached and this is my freedom.


End file.
